Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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