I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
