I swear she didn't look like that last week.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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