You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
