Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
