she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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