god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
