i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
