it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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