He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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