its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Randomize
