people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
