Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
