dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
