I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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