bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
