i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
