around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
