Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
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