and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
