Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
