i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
