I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
