bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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