I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
