we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Are we still banned from the library?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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