i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Randomize
