now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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