Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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