my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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