A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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