Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
