i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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