so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
