He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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