I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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