She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
