I wish I could punch you in the face.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
