dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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