I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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