he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
