ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
