ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
