Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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