i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
