Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
