You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
how drunk are you?
Several
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
