my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
