Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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