Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
