"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
