Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
The best revenge is premature balding
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
